I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
