All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
