I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
