So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
