so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
