we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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