He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
