You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
