so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
