in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
