Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
