Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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