did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
