You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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