I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
