i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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