Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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