I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
