I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
