Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
