It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
