I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
