I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
