update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
