I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
