Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
