it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
