I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
