Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
