Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
