You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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