come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
