If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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