It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
