According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
