I'm pants shitting drunk right now
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
