what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
