Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
