and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
