im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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