In the future we'll all be gay
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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