You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
