I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
