I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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