Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
