Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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