fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
