yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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