please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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