One girl and one boy is just not enough.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
