life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
