grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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