just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
