4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
