I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
