YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
