It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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