It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i think i just lost a toe
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
