I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
